Shock value and happily ever after

Twenty-four years ago I married a guy.

It seemed like the perfect thing to do at the time. He was a lot of fun, I thought he was kinda sexy, and he was exactly the opposite sort of person than me (you know, that "opposites attract" thing.) And then there was the shock value. I often thought it would make a great story - the artsy writer from Boston marries a bull rider from Oklahoma and lives happily ever after.

Granted, I'd spent the previous year drunkenly meandering through my life, often in panic mode. I really had no idea what I was doing from one day to the next, but I knew I wasn't happy.  I was stuck in a job I detested, (in the accounting department of a bank, no less!) and that biological clock ticks VERY loudly when you're 25.

So I married a guy. We did not live happily ever after. In fact, we have been divorced exactly the same amount of time that we spent being married. 

Looking back though, I smile. We did have a lot of fun!

We have two fabulous, gorgeous, successful  grown-up children.


We played Canasta and drank beer with friends in our little trailer house on an ostrich ranch in Texas, every Friday night.

We partied like it was 1999, and stood on the roof of our little bungalow in Las Vegas watching the fireworks as the year 2000 rolled in.

We once took a camping trip with the intention of going fishing, only to discover that the lake had no water in it, and hadn't had any for almost a decade. I learned that the fact that it is blue on a map, doesn't really mean anything.

Then there was the time he gave me a set of French doors for Mother's Day.  I wanted them installed in our bedroom, so we could walk outside and sit on a nice backyard patio. When the doors were still sitting by the side of the house in September, I took a sledge hammer to the wall. Sledge hammers have a funny way of motivating people.

OK, so most of our misadventures were my fault, but I laugh at all of those memories now.

So remember, boys and girls: shock value is not a very good reason to marry someone. But if you do, make as many good memories as possible. You just might live happily ever after.

She said WHAT?!

Ever have one of those days, where everything is going just peachy and you're feeling fine, and then you read something that just sets your hair on end and sends you hurtling into a bad mood in 1.2 seconds? I had one of those days today.

Normally I don't let the little things bother me. I live by the adage that I should never take things personally. I think that whatever someone says to me reveals more about them than it does about me. I firmly believe that I don't know what your life is really like, therefore I am not permitted to comment on it, and vice-versa. I respect people's decisions, and I expect the same in return. I was raised to believe that we should say nice things to one another. You know, Be Kind. Maybe that's where I've been mistaken.

I received a very rude message today from someone who felt the need to comment disparagingly on my parenting skills, my values, my faith and my lifestyle. It was a very personal attack. And I was stunned.

This is someone who doesn't know me well. We were very good friends at one time, but haven't been close for years. There has been no consistent communication between us in a very long time. So I was baffled - by the venom, by the rudeness - but mostly I was baffled as to why I was chosen as a target.

It's a very sad commentary on society in general, and this person's life in particular. I am saddened by the fact that common decency is no longer common. I am saddened that someone would lash out so viciously  without provocation. I am saddened that this person must be dealing with something that is too big for them to bear. And I am saddened that I let it hurt my feelings.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." ~ His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

"Deeds of kindness are equal in weight to all the commandments." ~The Talmud