Shock value and happily ever after

Twenty-four years ago I married a guy.

It seemed like the perfect thing to do at the time. He was a lot of fun, I thought he was kinda sexy, and he was exactly the opposite sort of person than me (you know, that "opposites attract" thing.) And then there was the shock value. I often thought it would make a great story - the artsy writer from Boston marries a bull rider from Oklahoma and lives happily ever after.

Granted, I'd spent the previous year drunkenly meandering through my life, often in panic mode. I really had no idea what I was doing from one day to the next, but I knew I wasn't happy.  I was stuck in a job I detested, (in the accounting department of a bank, no less!) and that biological clock ticks VERY loudly when you're 25.

So I married a guy. We did not live happily ever after. In fact, we have been divorced exactly the same amount of time that we spent being married. 

Looking back though, I smile. We did have a lot of fun!

We have two fabulous, gorgeous, successful  grown-up children.


We played Canasta and drank beer with friends in our little trailer house on an ostrich ranch in Texas, every Friday night.

We partied like it was 1999, and stood on the roof of our little bungalow in Las Vegas watching the fireworks as the year 2000 rolled in.

We once took a camping trip with the intention of going fishing, only to discover that the lake had no water in it, and hadn't had any for almost a decade. I learned that the fact that it is blue on a map, doesn't really mean anything.

Then there was the time he gave me a set of French doors for Mother's Day.  I wanted them installed in our bedroom, so we could walk outside and sit on a nice backyard patio. When the doors were still sitting by the side of the house in September, I took a sledge hammer to the wall. Sledge hammers have a funny way of motivating people.

OK, so most of our misadventures were my fault, but I laugh at all of those memories now.

So remember, boys and girls: shock value is not a very good reason to marry someone. But if you do, make as many good memories as possible. You just might live happily ever after.

I'm right and you're $#*%)#!

I had a very interesting discussion yesterday with Junior, our housemate. He's only 21, but I think he has "an old soul."

Junior was lamenting the lack of civility and common decency displayed by his generation. (Yes, he actually referred to people his own age as "this generation.") He decided that just because we can put everything out there on Facebook or Twitter, doesn't mean we ought to. And just because we can comment or make [disparaging] remarks about someone's posts or photos or status updates, doesn't mean it's the smartest thing to do. Whatever happened to conversation? Whatever happened to kindness? This was refreshing to hear from a 21-year-old.

At first we thought it might be the internet that gives us this feeling of anonymity; it's a way to put our opinions out there without the responsibility of actually having a face-to-face conversation.

"I've said my piece, I don't have to listen to, or read, yours and that's the end of it. Ha! So there!"

But it isn't just the internet that gives people the idea that they have license to say whatever they want - there is this idea roaming around that words, beliefs and thoughts have no consequences. 

"After all, I have the right to free speech, right? I have the right to believe whatever I want, right? And if my beliefs have no consequences, then my beliefs are correct, and therefore my beliefs are THE TRUTH. And if my beliefs are THE TRUTH, then everyone in the world should agree with me and abide by my truth." 

It's a twisted logic, and it's dangerous.

At the dangerous end of the spectrum are the people who want to tell everyone else what to do, how to think, and how to live. They think their belief - their "truth" - is the only truth, and somehow God has given them the task of enforcing it. We all know who they are...the folks that picket funerals, the guys that shoot girls in the head because they dare to want an education, people that flip you off on the highway, or guys who want to make sure we all carry our birth certificates in order to use the proper restroom. It doesn't seem to occur to them that they might be wrong.

At the other end of the spectrum are those of us who shake our heads in disbelief and wonder, What on earth are they thinking?

So here's an idea: Let's have a civil conversation. With both parties actually listening to the other side. We don't have to agree on everything. In fact, we might just agree to disagree. We might learn something, or see an issue from a new angle. And we can even respect one another as people! Now there's an idea with consequences!

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." 

Romans 12:18